#and hope you get some clever insights to help you out from other people reblogging your asklist!

[neriyon]

When portraying romantic or sexual scenarios involving your OC, do you aim to inspire a particular response in the reader or viewer? Whether a warm fuzzy feeling, or getting really quite turned on (or possibly both)?

I don't actually really write anything (neither romantic/sexual or otherwise) currently about my ocs, and vanilla gpose can only get you so far when involving more than 1 character ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But if I were to actually put in words some of the scenes I've toyed around with in my head, I thiiiink it really depends on the scene? Fuzzy feelings for cute fluffy scenes, other for spicier stuff, melancholy for some angstier scenes. I currently prefer to think about more upbeat scenes for my ocs, so I guess my theoretical writing would lean more on the warm fuzzy side? Maybe some spice, if I ever figure out how (I've thought about some short ficlets for Hawu'li but I've yet to find the motivation to actually start or get over the fact that writing in foreign language is a whole another skillset than writing in your native one).

And as a kind of sidenote: I'm probably super selfish with my writing haha, but I feel like, if the words get ME to react in a way I want (like that warm fuzzy feeling for some cute fluffy scene for example), that's good enough. If others feel the same while reading, good! If not, eh, not much lost.

[knuffled]

just practice - chapter twelve

thanks for reading! i promise i didn’t mean for it to be so angsty, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions or whatever the idiom is. anyhow, i hope you enjoy it, and it would mean a lot if you took the time to reblog or comment on AO3! i have been replying to every comment chapter 8 or 9!

read on AO3

The January sky was gray. It was not late, but darkness had already fallen. Snowflakes fell in a flurry, only briefly illuminated when passing beneath a street lamp. It collected on the roadside and turned to slush beneath the wheels of cars passing by. There was something about driving in the dark that had always appealed to her. Something about the gentle whirring of the motor, the luminescent lights on the dashboard, lurid in their juxtaposition with the velvet dark, and the effortless way the wheels glided against the tarmac had a way of putting her at ease.

The scenery was similar to the night of New Year’s Eve but duller. Grayer. The image of Percy, wreathed in a halo of moonlight, arose again unbidden in her mind’s eye, but there was no sight of the moon tonight. The clouds had seen to that.

She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the not-kiss. Ever since that night, the sense of lack had never left her. It carved a hollow for itself in the center of her chest and consumed anything that trespassed its event horizon. Like a black hole, not a void.

Annabeth had spent nearly everyday agonizing about the feeling and what it meant, but it defied any attempt to be known. All she could decipher was the sense of dissatisfaction, like hunger, that gnawed at her, but there was no urgency to it. It merely sat there, an immovable object. She found it grating, but not enough to where it compelled her to act. So she tolerated it.

She pressed her lips into a hard line and pulled into the Seneca Falls high school parking lot. She was late, like always. Percy’s meet had started nearly a half-hour ago. Annabeth stepped out of her car and ducked her neck behind the collar of her jacket as she jogged to the front door.

It was dark inside the school. Only half of the lights in the hallways were lit, and those that were flickered erratically. Annabeth followed the signs posted to the wall, guiding her to the pool. She was baffled by the fact that it took her nearly five minutes to find the pool, at the far end of the building. But eventually she drew close enough to hear the noise of the crowd rumbling from behind closed doors.

Annabeth opened the door tentatively to peer inside and was immediately accosted by the smell of chlorine. Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach. There was a heat going on. She prayed that it wasn’t Percy’s. Otherwise, the entire drive down to Seneca Falls would have been for nothing. Annabeth craned her head further inside, trying to make out the competitors, but she was too far away to tell.

When the heat ended, she released a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding and slipped inside. On her way to the bleachers, she scanned the crowd and felt a rush of relief when Piper waved to her from the fourth row. She had to squeeze past a family to reach Piper, and the seat was uncomfortable when she sat down. The screwheads dug into her thighs, making her grimace.

“Please tell me I didn’t miss Percy’s heat,” Annabeth said.

Piper popped a cheeto in her mouth and shook her head. “Nah, you’re totally fine. Want some cheetos?”

Annabeth shook her head. “Those things have texture like cardboard.”

“More for me then,” Piper said, shrugging. “I was worried you weren’t going to show.”

Annabeth raised an eyebrow. “I just had some stuff to deal with after school, and then it started snowing like crazy outside so I had to drive slower than normal.”

“Is it that project or whatever for Mrs. Dodds’s class? Jason has been complaining about it all week,” Piper asked.

Annabeth shook her head. “Taking AP Chem with that harpy is like getting your fucking teeth pulled. I just needed to review something for the english paper with Edmonds.”

Piper sighed melodramatically. “Still, so diligent. Truly a model student.”

“Fuck off.”

Piper balled up her now empty bag of cheetos and shook her head incredulously.

“I seriously can’t believe you aren’t feeling even a little bit of senioritis. Jason’s like that too. A pair of freaks, the two of you are. Mayhaps it has something to do with the fact that you’re both blonde. Seems to give one a proclivity for masochism.”

“I thought that the fact that we both unironically enjoy running stupidly long distances would have tipped you off about that by now,” Annabeth said lightly.

There was a pause before Piper cleared her throat conspicuously and said, “So what’s new with you, Annababe?”

“That was a real smooth transition there, Pipes,” Annabeth said.

Piper rolled her eyes and said, “Fine, you win that round. Happy? We can go back to the part where you were answering my question now, please.”

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but there’s nothing new on my end,” Annabeth lied.

“How are things going with Percy?”

Annabeth snorted and crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you going to ask me that everytime you see me?”

“Yes, now spill.”

“You know? You can be a real piece work sometimes, McLean.”

Piper threw an arm around Annabeth’s shoulder, grinning, and pulled her in close to press a kiss to Annabeth’s cheek, making her scowl.

“I bully you out of love, darling.”

Annabeth gave her a weary look. “So you admit that it’s bullying.”

Piper waved a hand dismissively. “Semantics, shemantics.”

“How come you never harass Percy like this?” Annabeth grumbled.

“Oh, I do,” Piper said brightly. “All the time, in fact.”

“Really? And what does he say when you do?”

“He usually comes to me on his own, funnily enough,” Piper said pointedly. “Though, I will admit that it has been a while since I’ve had the chance to have a proper talk with him.”

“I know this might boggle your mind, but some people appreciate privacy, Piper,” Annabeth said, rolling her eyes.

Piper opened her mouth, undoubtedly to say something clever, but Annabeth’s attention was pulled away by the fact that Percy was lining up in front of the pool. Three of his teammates stood in front of him, and it took Annabeth a moment to figure out why.

“Wait, he’s doing a relay?” Annabeth asked. “I thought he was doing freestyle, like always.”

“Fuck if I know,” Piper said, shrugging.

“State is next month,” Annabeth said, frowning. “What is he doing?”

Although Annabeth knew how intensely he practiced, she was still taken aback by his decision to not compete for the event he was doing at State: freestyle. She tried to glean some insight from his body language, but she found herself quickly distracted when Percy interlaced his fingers and stretched his arms away from himself, making the muscles of his upper back flex in response.

All at once, she found herself hyper-aware of the fact that practically all of his body was up for display. Her face flushed immediately, but she couldn’t force herself to look away. She’d seen him compete at meets countless times, but there was something different now.

Since when had his shoulders been so broad? How had she never noticed the beautiful curve of his spine or the sharp line of his jaw when he set it in concentration?

Over the years, Annabeth had heard her fair share of vulgar comments made by girls in her school about Percy’s physique. It wasn’t uncommon for many of them to show up at swim meets just to ogle at him. She had always found their behavior disgusting and objectifying. More than anything, it angered her that people talked about her best friend like that without even knowing him, like he was just a slab of meat. Annabeth had even snapped and chewed them out for it on more than one occasion.

Now, however, Annabeth couldn’t help understanding where those comments had come from, even though they were repulsive. She could no longer deny the fact that her best friend was gorgeous, even when he stood among other swimmers. Some of them were more physically impressive, sure, but Percy was imposing in his own right, trading impractical bulk for something more lithe and graceful. The untamed intensity that competition teased out of him was just the cherry on top.

Annabeth caught herself staring and immediately felt nausea and self-loathing rolling through her. She was acting like a fucking creep.

“Well, that might be the first time I’ve ever seen you checking Percy out so shamelessly,” Piper said, smirking.

Annabeth turned to her sharply, her face prickling. “I-It feels gross. Like I’m one of those groupies that show up at his meets just to perv on him.”

Piper snorted and said, “Annabeth, you’re nothing like them. You actually know him, for one thing. Besides, it’s not wrong to check out your boyfriend, you know.”

Annabeth mustered an uneasy smile and nodded. She tried not to squirm in her seat and to focus on the race instead, but her skin was hot. Uncomfortably so.

The first members of the relay stepped and took their places on the platform. Once they were settled, the official blew his whistle and they dove into the water. Westwood’s first swimmer did well, managing to stay in second place before handing it off to his teammate. She didn’t really pay much attention though. As long as there wasn’t too big a gap between first and second, they were fine. Percy was anchor for the relay and he was fast enough to make up that distance if push came to shove.

Still, Annabeth couldn’t help thinking that there was something off about Percy. She couldn’t say what it was, but he looked more tense than normal. As a competitor, one of the things Annabeth envied most about him was how relaxed he was at meets. Annabeth always had to wrestle with anxiety, but Percy had confessed to her that he barely ever felt nervous. If it was there, his focus was so finely honed that it didn’t even register to him. This was the first time that she had seen him look so jittery at a meet.

Her suspicions were only further solidified when Percy finally dove into the water. Usually, he barely disturbed the water when he breached it, but this time the water burst like he had belly flopped. It wasn’t a great start but they were still in second, so as long as he didn’t panic, there was no need to worry.

But he looked oddly sluggish. There was something wrong with his form. It lacked its usual effortless finesse and looked almost awkward. He slipped into fourth place by the time he kicked off the opposite end of the pool, and it didn’t look like he would be able to recover the distance.

Annabeth slid to the edge of her seat and worried her lip, praying that Percy would be able to figure something out, but at the end of the relay, Westwood finished in 5th place.

Percy stood there with a hand pressed against the pool wall and stared into the water blankly, his shoulders hunched. Eventually, one of his teammates helped pull him out of the pool, but they all looked as confused as Annabeth felt. This was uncharted territory for all of them.

His teammates look at one another, at a loss for words, before his coach pulled him away and had a hushed conversation with him. Annabeth couldn’t make out what they were saying over the noise of the crowd, but Percy’s posture never changed. His coach gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder and left to go deal with the team. Percy stood there for a few seconds before eventually dragging himself into the changing room.

Annabeth turned to Piper, hoping for an explanation, but she only reflected the worry Annabeth felt herself. They made their way down from the bleachers and waited at the entrance of the changing rooms. They had to wait for longer than she’d expected. Even though Percy had been the first to enter, he was the last to leave. When he did finally exit the locker room, his hands were curled tightly around his swimming bag and his hair was sopping wet, like he hadn’t even bothered drying it.

When he noticed them, he mustered a weary smile. “Ah, look! It’s my two favorite girls.”

Annabeth and Piper exchanged glances before Piper cleared her throat and softly said, “How are you feeling, Perce?”

Percy stopped smiling and pressed his lips into a thin line. “Not so hot, honestly.”

“Is there anything we can do for you?” Piper asked.

Percy rubbed at his eyes with his palms and shook his head. “Um, no— I-I’m just tired. I’ll be fine once I get some sleep.”

“You just had an off day,” Annabeth ventured. “It happens to the best of us.”

He set his jaw and looked away from them. “I really don’t wanna talk about it.”

Annabeth balled her hands into fists. She was utterly useless in situations like this. The situation only felt worse when Piper remained uncharacteristically silent. This was supposed to be her forte, not Annabeth’s — if she didn’t know what to say, Annabeth was screwed.

Piper glanced at her, trying to communicate something, but Annabeth didn’t know what she was trying to say. They stood there for a few more moments before Piper deflated with a sigh and shoved Annabeth towards Percy without warning, making Annabeth stumble.

“Well, I suppose I’ll let the girlfriend handle this,” Piper said with affected cheer. “Gotta go pick Jason up from the library anyhow.”

Annabeth turned to glare at her, but she paused when she caught the tick of Percy’s jaw when Piper said the word ‘girlfriend’. The gesture stoked the flames of helplessness burning inside her to even larger blaze. Annabeth turned to Piper in one last desperate attempt to ask for help, but Piper had already turned on her heels and walked away.

It seemed that Piper had thrown her to the wolves. Annabeth balled her hands into fists and tightened her jaw, feeling utterly lost. Piper was expecting too much from her. She didn’t know what the fuck she was supposed to do. She didn’t even know where to begin.

She tried looking at Percy for some insight, but he just looked utterly dead inside. There was something so wrong about that, like someone had extinguished the sun.

The floor squeaked underfoot when she shifted on her heels and wracked her brain for some combination of words that wouldn’t make the situation worse. It took all of thirty seconds for her to realize that she wasn’t going to come up with anything, so she decided to start with something easier.

“C’mon, let’s go to Martha’s,” Annabeth offered. “I’ll even buy you a milkshake.”

Percy dragged a hand across his face and said, “I’m exhausted right now. I just wanna go home.”

Annabeth shook her head. “I can’t let you do that. You’ll just spend all night beating yourself up if I let you go.”

Percy didn’t disagree with her, but he didn’t decide to go with her either. Annabeth screwed her eyes shut and exhaled fully. Then, she stepped forward and took his hand in her own and gave it a squeeze. It was enough to get Percy to actually look at her for the first time all night. She was struck by the fragility she saw in his eyes. No, fragility wasn’t the right word. More like vulnerability, more raw, more open.

“Look, I just don’t want you to be on your own tonight, okay? But if you really do want to go home, I won’t stop you,” Annabeth whispered.

There was a pause before Percy murmured, “Martha’s is fine.”

She almost asked him if he was sure before she thought better of it. “You should dry your hair or you’ll catch a cold again. It’s pretty brutal outside.”

Percy nodded and set down his swimming bag and dropped to a crouch. He tried to unzip the bag to find his towel, but the zipper was caught on something and wouldn’t budge. He tried to get it to work three more times, each attempt more violent than the next, until he stopped and sat down, shoulders hunched.

“It’s not working,” he said blankly. “Why isn’t it working?”

Annabeth crouched beside him and gently tugged the bag out of his grasp, saying, “Here, let me.”

It took her a few seconds to figure out part of his swimming trunks were caught under the zipper. Getting it out of the way took longer than she would have liked, but eventually she managed to tease the bag open. Once she did, she rummaged in the bag for the towel buried at the bottom and turned back to Percy with victorious smile.

“Took some work, but I managed to-” Annabeth’s smile dropped.

Tears were flowing silently down Percy’s face, and he bit his lower lip to keep it from quivering. Before her mind could catch up with her body, Annabeth dropped the towel and threw her arms around him. His breath hitched at first, but then he melted into her embrace and buried his face in the crook of her neck. It hurt to feel his tears straining her shirt and the spastic way his shoulders shook behind her palms.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay. Just let it out. I’ve got you,” Annabeth whispered.

“I’m s-sorry. The stupid zipper. It- It wasn’t working,” Percy sobbed.

Annabeth ran her hands down his back, hoping it would be at least somewhat soothing. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. It’s alright.”

“Can’t even open a fucking bag right,” Percy said tightly. “God, I’m so fucking useless.”

Annabeth pulled away and held him by the shoulders. “Hey, that’s not true.”

Percy looked away from her, coating her hands in tears. “It is.”

“It isn’t,” Annabeth said firmly. “You’re exhausted and having a really shitty day. It’s okay if you couldn’t open your backpack, alright? It’s not your fault.”

“Of course it’s my fucking fault,” Percy said, voice cracking. “I-I let them all down, Annabeth. They were counting on me, and I fucked it up like I always do.”

It took her a second to realize he wasn’t talking about the backpack anymore.

“You had an off day, Percy. It’s nothing to beat yourself up about. I can guarantee that none of them will blame you for it, I promise,” Annabeth said.

“And how would you know that?”

“Because I’ll kick their fucking asses otherwise, that’s how.”

That tore a watery laugh from him before he slumped back against the wall. Annabeth hovered near him, unsure of what to do. Percy rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand and took a deep breath.

His voice was more steady when he said, “I’m supposed to be the captain. I’m supposed to be reliable. They put their trust in me, and I let them down.”

“They trust you for a reason,” Annabeth said. “They know how hard you work, how much you have given for the team.”

“But I still failed them when it mattered most,” Percy muttered.

Annabeth sighed and brushed her hair out of her face. “Literally none of them think that. They were just worried about you. I could see it in their eyes.”

When he remained silent, she added, “If one of them were in your shoes and had an off day at a meet, would you think they had let you down?”

“They aren’t captain,” Percy argued.

“So just because you’re captain, you have to be absolutely flawless, all the time?”

Percy opened his mouth before closing it again and looked down at his lap. Annabeth ground her teeth together. What could she do to make him understand? Why did he always hold himself to such unreasonable standards? He always shouldered too much responsibility, but didn’t he realize that, at some point, he would have to run out of things to give? Not even Percy could carry the world on his shoulders forever, but he would be damned if he didn’t try.

“Sometimes I wish people would stop putting their faith in me,” he whispered.

“I know but it’s not entirely their fault. There’s just something about you that makes people want to follow you,” Annabeth said.

Percy shook his head and said, “I don’t understand what they see in me. I’m not special. I can’t be who they need me to be. I wish I could. I really, really do. But I can’t. I just can’t. Even today, I lost us the relay because I couldn’t shut my brain off and focus. I just can’t stop thinking about the-”

“Can’t stop thinking about what?” Annabeth asked, frowning.

Percy swallowed and turned away from her. “It’s nothing. Just ignore what I said.”

A spark of anger that rushed through her. “No, that’s bullshit. You don’t get to do that. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I-It’s not a big deal.”

“Then you should have no trouble telling me,” Annabeth said.

When he remained silent, she crossed her arms over her chest and said, “I’m literally not leaving until you tell me what’s going on. Even if that means staying here all night.”

When Percy looked up at her, the mix of fear and resignation in his eyes reminded her of a lamb being led to slaughter. A lump formed in her throat. Since when had things gotten so difficult between them?

She forced herself to take a breath and said, “I’m your friend, Percy. I’m not going to hurt you. So, please, just talk to me.”

There was a pause before Percy ran his hands through his hair, almost violently, and nodded. “I- I can’t stop thinking about New Year’s Eve.”

Annabeth furrowed her brow. “What about it?”

Percy looked down at his lap and clenched his shirt with one hand, right at the center of his chest.

“I almost kissed you.”

His voice had been so quiet, Annabeth had almost missed it. It took her a few seconds to process what he had said and what it meant.

“And that’s why you’re beating yourself up so much?” Annabeth asked, trying not to gape.

He looked up at her sharply and said, “I almost stole your first kiss, Annabeth. You deserve to have it with someone that you actually like, not wasted on a stand-in like me.”

“Percy, first kisses are not that big a deal,” Annabeth said exasperatedly.

“They are to me,” Percy said quietly.

Annabeth didn’t know how to respond to that. Honestly, the whole conversation made very little sense to her. She couldn’t understand for the life of her why this was causing him so much anguish. Besides, there was that comment he had made, about being a stand-in. It was technically true, but there was just something wrong about it.

“The worst part is that I wanted to,” Percy whispered. “Even though I knew from the start, at that moment, I didn’t care. I almost did something awful to you.”

There was a brief pause before Annabeth exploded.

“Christ, boys are so fucking stupid sometimes.”

Percy looked up with wide red-rimmed eyes, surprised by the hostility in her voice. Annabeth pulled him by the collar of his shirt so that they were face to face, close enough for her to see the dried tracks his tears had left on his face, and dropped her voice to a deadly whisper.

“Listen to me very carefully: you didn’t almost ‘steal’ anything that night. I could have stopped the kiss at literally any point if I hadn’t wanted it to happen. It was just as much my decision as it was yours, okay? I’m a person, not a fucking mannequin. Stop treating me like one.”

Annabeth set her jaw and glared at him, daring him to challenge her, but Percy held his breath and nodded once, slowly. She stared at him for another second before she turned to pick up the towel. Her hands were trembling. Annabeth was surprised at how angry she was. She dropped the towel twice because of it.

She turned back to him and said, “Turn around.”

Percy blinked owlishly before he did as she commanded. Annabeth took a moment to run her fingers through his hair. It had dried some, but it was still wet. Annabeth started to towel dry his hair, and Percy flinched, almost immediately, like she had expected.

He caught her wrist and peered up at her. “You don’t have to do that.”

“God, Percy, just shut up and let me take care of you for once,” Annabeth said, sharper than she would have liked.

A beat passed before Percy nodded reluctantly and turned around. Annabeth took a moment to swallow and returned to her task. She took her time. There was no rush, after all. Nowhere they needed to be. Nothing they needed to do. Nothing to stop them from being who they were. So Annabeth tried her best to do with her hands what her words could not.

She was careful with him. Thorough. Gentle. Tension drained out of him, allowing his shoulders to open up, and he leaned into her touch unconsciously. The repetitive motions lulled her senses and the world felt less sharp. The dim lights in the hallway flickered erratically and hummed like a droning bee. His hair was soft and tickled her fingers. She wondered if any of his former girlfriends had known that. They probably had. They probably knew more than she ever would.

“Annabeth?” Percy whispered.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry. And— thank you. For everything.”

Annabeth hummed in acknowledgment. A beat passed and Percy’s lips pulled upwards in a half-smile.

“It’s been a long time since you’ve gotten mad at me.”

“You sound far too pleased about that. Am I going to have to kink shame you or something?”

That tore a tired laugh out of him, and Annabeth smiled. Now, with her work done, she threw the towel back into his swim bag and stretched in place. Percy’s back was still facing her. Annabeth knocked her forehead lightly between his shoulder blades and grinned when it startled him. He turned around and raised an eyebrow.

“How are you feeling?” Annabeth murmured.

“Um, better, I think?” Percy replied. “Definitely more relaxed.”

“I- I didn’t make things worse right?” Annabeth asked tentatively.

“No, you helped,” he said quickly. “More than you probably know.”

Annabeth swallowed and looked down at her lap. “Okay, good. Just making sure.”

There was another pause and then Percy asked, “Should we go home?”

Annabeth met his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, let’s go home.”

[dimples-of-discontent]

(part 1) im gonna preface by saying sorry if you've answered this before or it's obvious, but I wanted your opinion on something. I can't really read Misha at all when it comes to Destiel. I wanted to know if you think Misha plays Cas as being in love with Dean? Do you think Misha sees that relationship or is too in the moment to view it the way we do (similar to Jensen). I'm asking because I know he has gotten questions about it before and something that is obvious 9/10 times when he answers...

(part 2) is that he turns it into something sexual. I know he obviously wont say either way whether for higher up backlash or simply because he’s Misha, but I never got if that is just his wink wink to the fans because he’s supportive of our beliefs or he thinks that we only see sex so he’s like yeah perverts. He genuinely seems insightful at times and I do love the way he has described their relationship on several occasions. i know a few years ago there was a moment where, if i remember…

(part 3) correctly might have been one of the only times he answered without really joking? he seemed incredibly in tune with the audience talking about it but there seemed to be a sad/awkward air to his words. most of the things i have seen are from a few years ago though (pre-season 11) and we have gotten some incredibly deep destiel scenes since then so I guess im asking if you think he sees it, if so, when he might have started, if he thinks it now, if he thinks its just sexual, ect. thanks!“

Hi Nonnie,

First off, it sounds like you actually know a whole heck of a lot about Misha’s take on Destiel so I’m flattered that you would ask for my opinion on it too. I haven’t formulated a whole post about it, though I have reblogged and commented on some really great ones that I will also link you to here. 

I think it’s important to distinguish between Misha’s take on whether it is an intentional part of the show (do the writers write it that way? do he and Jensen play it that way?) vs. his response to fanfic and fandom commentary on Destiel. About the second, he tends to wear his snarky persona and call us perverts and joke about how “me and Jensen write most of that stuff anyway.” That’s easier. It’s a deflection. If faced with a question about intentionality and whether he thinks that the show has been amping up the romance tropes, it’s far safer to instead talk about the fan response and how “I would never have imagined seeing myself depicted giving so many blowjobs.” How much Cas fanart have you looked up Misha? FFS! 

So when, as you say, he immediately jumps to making things sexual I don’t at all think that it’s because he thinks that accurately reflects the way the character is written or how he plays him. After all, as recently as S10 he had Cas stare at a porn site and say, bemusedly, “What is ‘Fortune Nookie’?” (10x03). In 13x21 Cas was obviously embarrassed both by and about Gabriel and Rowena. And, as we learned from S12, the sacred oath that forbids human-angel sex must be very much on his mind. Now, some of us are of the opinion that this season in particular has been revealing Cas to have some understanding of or interest in sex even as an angel but YMMV on that one. But it’s safe to say that no matter how many jokes Misha makes about Cas being a creeper and perving on Dean he knows that that isn’t in the show. He’s responding to a particular, over-exaggerated fan version of Destiel. And he’s doing it because it’s safe.

It’s actually Misha’s standard deflection now because, in my opinion, not only do they want to avoid pissing people off but they are all bound by NDAs (non-disclosure agreements) of some kind when it comes to the actual show…but not when it comes to the fans. So he can say whatever he likes about fanfic or fanart or “what goes on on oil rigs” and neither risk offending people as deeply (since he’s clearly joking around) nor violating any contracts. I don’t know if he really thinks that all fanworks are all about sex. I think….perhaps. And, honestly, given the kinds of things people bring to cons for them to sign I can’t blame him. The linked post also shows how totally ok both he and Jensen are with smutty fanart, as does the infamous Cockles video that I’m adding here because, well, why not:

If you can’t hear the audio it’s Jensen describing two different pieces of fanart that they signed, one of which they drew penises on the other of which was already nsfw that he captioned, and laughing about it and draping himself all over Misha ew. 

But back to your original question, which was whether Misha plays Cas as being in love with Dean or sees that relationship as inherently romantic. I’m actually just going to flat out answer: he does. Misha is an intelligent and sensitive reader (which is not to say the other actors, especially Jensen, are not but that Misha approaches the script as a reader in a way I don’t think Jensen does because his process is so different). I believe Misha has always seen that in the character. As @amwritingmeta​ discusses in this epic post on Jensen, Destiel, and Dean’s bisexuality:

“Misha started out talking rather openly about how Destiel is an intentional part of the narrative - almost going so far as to get pissy about how this was even a question, if rumours are to be believed - then less openly, until he, as early as last year, was scuttling around the Destiel question like it was on fire. Why? I would venture a complete guess and say that it’s most likely to do with all the negativity thrown his way whenever he’s engaged with it, accusations of queerbaiting flying at him and the show, when this couldn’t be farther away from what they’ve actually been doing all these years, delivering a narrative the likes of which has never been seen on television before.”

Comments he made about his initial decisions, staring at Jensen “as if I was looking into his soul”, and the teasing that he garnered, “We’re missing the gay angel,” indicate that he–and Jensen, fwiw–were fully aware of the homoerotic aspects of the character and his portrayal.

I think that the convention clip you’re thinking of might be this one from NJcon 2013 where Misha first says that he ought not to talk about it but then goes on to say that there is a “very profound bond” but that “I will leave you to read into that what you will” and remarks that he doesn’t want to be accused of queerbaiting, which he felt was unfair because he is such a supporter for the LGBTQ community overall. He’s absolutely sad there. He concludes by saying “It’s a lot of things. It’s deep and meaningful, you know. Is it love? Probably. What does that mean? It’s a million different things. I don’t know” which then becomes a joke about “you know, my boyfriend is a wavelength of celestial intent.” He ends by saying outright that “They love each other” before adding “but it’s purely sexual.” That backtracking is frustrating but totally characteristic because otherwise it’s just too definitive. (I’m gonna keep my tinhat in the closet on this one but I can’t help but murmur about actor bleed.)

By 2016, at DCcon, he was delighted to get out of the Destiel question by having West throw balls at him. He talks about how he was discouraged from even mentioning that relationship when he came on the show and how he then flouted that rule because he didn’t see the point. The implication, though, is that he now does see why he shouldn’t discuss it and I can only imagine that a lot of it has to do with the vitriol that often came his way. Most of his answer is a joke on this panel, “How would you approach it if it happened” becomes “face-forward” and “How would you set the scene” becomes a seduction joke. Rich and Rob are there to help out and keep the carnival atmosphere going. (Cockles sidebar: I had never noticed that he answers the question of “How would you set the scene” with “In another language; in Russian.” CAN YOU SAY ACCENT KINK??) That’s a huge difference from 2013′s serious answer, though it’s not easy to tell whether that change is due to something contractural about the show or Misha’s own desire to avoid upset. I kind of think the second.

His most recent comments are from Seacon 2018 where he says that he could “go on and on and on” with his thoughts about Destiel and that he and Jensen do have conversations about it. He again uses it as an opportunity to talk about the fandom response and reflect on changes in attitude within the fandom not on the show…which is interesting, of course, but not really what we are fishing for. As he says at the end he gets in trouble with someone no matter what he says on the topic. And then he will deflect with a joke (”Jensen and I don’t write a ton of Destiel fanfic”) before giving us a tiny glimmer of hope (”because we live it all the time”). The whole cast is certainly much more open about it than they used to be, even Jensen. And I’m not sure whether or not that can be attributed to the deeper Destiel scenes you mention or not. I do think it would become much harder for them to deny the existence of a romantic element and that the way they are coping with that is pure humor.

I hope that helps a little. It’s a very complex question, since it’s bound up with so many other things about the show and about Misha’s character and his relationship to the fans. (I have tags for both “misha and destiel” and “misha about destiel” if you want more.) I agree with you that he is the most in tune with the fan view of the relationship and supportive of it as an interpretation. I think he’s either not legally able to say more about it or, perhaps, is too conditioned not to by previous negative reactions from the fans. His jokes that make it sexual, or refer to fandom and not the show, are simply a clever deflection and one which he does much better than either Jared or Jensen (though Jensen has learned from Misha and gotten markedly less defensive in general, e.g. “There will now be fanfiction written about what goes on on oil rigs” “Don’t let us down”).

My gut feeling is that, yes, Misha has seen the romantic element since Day 1 and that lines like “I love you. I love all of you” and “I know who you love” confirm for him that it is there for Cas. I think that he supports that reading of their relationship but we will likely never get to hear him say that…unless something miraculous happens on the show so that he feels free to.

[moltensunlight]

Hot Damn I feel that, our sweet boy Lance is hURTING and I am Afraid as much as I am Excited for what that’s gonna mean for his character in season 4,,,

But okay so short answer??

I took that part of the scene as Lance understanding that Keith was trying to lighten the mood and tell him to not to worry so much and that Keith had good intentions, but that it also didn’t really help Lance feel any better about his position on the team or how his individual strengths could help the team and prove that he’s one of their “best soldiers.”

Long answer? Alright buckle in cause I’m about to walk through my thoughts on this entire scene to get there. I also am definitely going to end this on a more positive and upbeat note, because yeah everyone is Very Stressed right now and we need some hope to look forward to!!

So after writing that finger-counting meta and then watching the scene a few more times I came to the personal conclusion that Lance posed his entire argument with the subtle finger-counting and clever word choice to begin with because it was easier to start the conversation by talking around the issue rather than diving in head-first with ‘hey I don’t really feel like I’m paladin material and you guys probably are going to want Allura and Shiro to form voltron rather than me because I’m not sure that I actually contribute all that much to the team’.

Like Lance is the fun, funny guy, that’s who he’s made himself out to be to his friends (even if it comes back around to bite him in the ass later), and as someone who was also the goofball of my friend group back in high school, I can tell you it’s really awkward to bring up any kind of more serious, vulnerable thoughts around the people that know you as the goofball. So bringing up the issue in a more roundabout, almost lighthearted way as just seeing it as a simple math problem was probably a way to just get the whole conversation flowing and lead in to the expanded version of his thoughts.

Plus, Lance knows that Keith isn’t very big on subtle clues too, given that he’s kind of become Keith’s interpreter of social cues and pop-culture references and things which Keith doesn’t pick up on in general, which is why he didn’t hesitate to further explain what he really meant.

I think he caught the fact that Keith didn’t pick up on his subtle explanation, and I don’t think he was expecting anything subtle from Keith in response.

The trouble with this conversation comes from a miscommunication between them both, and I reblogged an excellent post about this earlier that you can find here. Keith is looking at this whole thing from a more tactical point of view after Lance mentions that he came to Keith because he’s the leader now -- which while true, I think part of this is also that Lance thought it might be the best explanation (read: excuse) for coming to Keith in the first place. Especially since they’ve clearly never come to each other with their fears and doubts and insecurities. Even during the scene in S3 E3 when the team is split up and Keith admits he messed up there’s some degree of separation because they’re in the lions:

They probably haven't even come to each other’s rooms for any other reason than business since they’ve been on board the castleship, and changing that up is going to be scary, so having some “normal” excuse thrown in there probably feels safer for Lance.

Going back to the point about miscommunication, they’re almost having two separate conversations here. Lance is seeing it as bringing his insecurities to Keith as a friend, and Keith is seeing it as Lance trying to talk to the leader about how the lion set-up is supposed to work now.

I don’t think Lance entirely realized that Keith distanced himself from the “friend” part of the conversation when Lance said that about coming to Keith because he’s the leader though. He thinks he’s having a heart-to-heart with Keith. He’s actually dropping the goofball act and making himself vulnerable here, reaching out and hoping that Keith will understand and meet him on the same level. I agree with the idea that the post I linked to earlier put forth that Lance doesn’t know exactly what he’s asking for from Keith, or what exactly he wants from this exchange. As viewers we can say that he wants reassurance, but I think the most that Lance is aware of in himself is the desire for some kind of clarity and connection. I think he’s looking for Keith to understand him and what’s going through his head. I also think when he’s saying “You want your best soldiers on the front lines,” that he’s secretly wanting Keith to come back with “You are one of our best soldiers,” or at least to delve further into what Lance is thinking and feeling and why.

Like if the light-hearted finger-counting was the first step into Lance’s inner thoughts and insecurities, explaining everything in a very logical way was the second step, but there’s still a disconnect between what he’s saying and how he actually feels about the situation. Notice that in this conversation, though his body language and facial expressions are incredibly telling, he doesn’t use any emotional words whatsoever. He doesn’t even use the phrase “I think” once. He’s still got walls up around his innermost emotions, because having them exposed is terrifying and you can’t just jump right into that. Putting it forth logically is safe, in a way. If Keith had kept pushing him about why Lance is thinking he’s not one of their best soldiers, I can promise you we would’ve seen a more emotional explanation and the layers could’ve kept peeling back until we saw the raw core of what Lance is actually thinking and feeling, and damn would that have been a treat.

But Keith misses this entirely, because again, he just thinks they’re talking about technicalities, and the lack of emotion and personal opinion from Lance about the whole situation is really only helping to solidify that assumption. Lance is just as responsible for the miscommunication as Keith is, but probably doesn’t realize it because this conversation is already so much more personal for him than what he normally lets on.

Lance realizes that Keith isn’t understanding what he’s saying though, and I think Lance also realizes that Keith is viewing this as basically shop-talk (without understanding why he’s viewing it like that). And as soon as he realizes that Keith missed the point he was trying to make we see Lance physically step back and visibly close off whatever kind of connection he was reaching for. He puts his barriers back up.

The thing is Lance could have pressed harder after what Keith said, he could’ve tried to phrase it in a different way so that Keith would understand, but that could also lead to a lot more of a miscommunication. They’re on completely different pages, and he’s probably not even sure how to get them on the same page. Not to mention that it’s hard to talk about things like this, for anyone, and especially for Lance when he knows the team only sees him as the goofball. Plus, they’re in a war, and he might think that his doubts and insecurities don’t really have a place here. He tried, and it didn’t work out, and it was already hard enough to even bring this up to Keith in the first place, so he just lets it go.

Season 2 did an excellent job with its metaphors in the elevator scene between these two and giving us a greater insight into their characters, because like Keith says in the elevator, Lance isn’t pushing hard enough. It’s easier for Lance to let things go (and shit would I like to write a meta about the strengths and weaknesses of letting go vs unbending willpower and how Lance and Keith are literally in the process of showing each other how to find a balance between the two), even if it’s detrimental to himself, and that’s exactly what we see happen in this scene from season 3.

Lance literally only says two more words in this entire scene, and they’re basically a courtesy conversation-ender more than anything. He lets the entire issue drop even if he’s visibly upset about it, and looks fully prepared for that to be the end of their talk. I think Keith actually surprises Lance by stopping him before he gets out the door.

Lance’s expression is still crestfallen when he turns back to Keith, and he’s probably not hoping for much, but then Keith tries to cheer him up with the line “leave the math to Pidge,” and I think that’s more than Lance was probably expecting. My read on how Lance takes this is that he’s getting exactly what Keith is putting out (because again, Keith is not a subtle guy,,,,, at all), a friendly encouragement to not worry too much and something to lift his mood at least a little bit. It’s less of Keith being a leader and more of him being a friend, and I think it probably minimized the damage this conversation did because even if it was small and didn’t do a whole lot in terms of boosting Lance’s confidence, it was still Keith reaching out to him as more than just a teammate and a leader.

Lance knows that Keith probably missed a lot, if not all, of what Lance was trying to get across with that talk, but I think he sees that Keith is trying. It doesn’t make him feel any better about his position on the team or his skills as a paladin and a soldier, but I think it does make him feel better about their friendship, because not too long ago Keith would have let Lance walk through the door without a second thought. They’re beyond their rivalry now though, they’re teammates - Lance is literally Keith’s right-hand man - and they trust each other. Keith didn’t have to stop him, but he did because he cares, and I think Lance kind of realizes that for himself in this moment. I think he kind of realizes that they really are friends now. He’s still hurting and dwelling on a lot of things, but I think Lance genuinely appreciates this gesture from Keith. 

I think this gesture from Keith actually saved the whole situation of Lance opening up to him, maybe not by much, but by enough. If Keith had let Lance walk through that door without saying anything else, I can promise you Lance wouldn’t even entertain the idea of talking to him again about the things that are really bothering him. But as it stands now, Lance might not exactly approach him about it like this again, but if Keith asked Lance would tell him. It might still take some talking around the issue before they got to the heart of it, but Lance hasn’t completely closed Keith off from him.

All in all these boys and their friendship have a long way to go before they’re on the same page and effortlessly communicate and get each other, but they’re making really strong steps toward that. I actually really appreciate that the writers are having them kind of mess up and say the wrong thing before they get around to getting it right, because it’s real. It’s how strong friendships grow naturally, because there’s always a time when you’re learning the ins and outs of one another and how each other operates. It’s not going to be immediately perfect, and there are going to be some bumps in the road, but they’ll come out the other side more understanding of each other and more in-tune than ever, and I can’t wait to see that~

[fan-tastic-fiction]

Fanfiction Author Profile Friday

This is the ninth interview in what I hope will be a long running series! I think people need to feel more connected to the brilliant authors behind their favorite fics, I also feel that fic authors need to be taken just as seriously as published authors and treated with respect and admiration in the same way. Making money should not be the only way to gain prestige! Some of the best peices of writing I’ve ever read have been fanfictions and they are often equal or superior to published stories. If you have a story or author recommendation, let me know! And if you have a question you’ve always wanted to ask your favorite author, message me and I’ll try to make it happen!

Pen name: feliciacraft

Age: 37

Is English your first language? Nope, though it’s my best and primary language.

How long have you been writing? Since around 4th grade. Tbh I resisted the call of fandom for a long time, until I felt bursting at the seams with words. I’ve been writing fanfiction (for the Buffyverse) for two years, debuting on Valentine’s Day of 2015 with a story for my OTP.

What do you think your strongest piece of writing has been? I’m partial to Edge of Sorry, Heart of Truth, a WIP Buffy Season 6 rewrite that opens immediately after Buffy’s self sacrifice. It’s my most ambitious project to date. The amount of time I think about it and plan the next chapter in my head is way past the threshold for obsession. :) Chapter 4, “I Am Not Resigned”, a stand-alone chapter I’m partial to, is my version of the funeral missing from the show. http://archiveofourown.org/works/3625725/chapters/8005827

For those reluctant to read a WIP, the Spuffy one-shot, “The Right Words”, gives you a good idea of my style, and my penchant for experimentation. This piece is told from the rarely used Second Person narrative, with intentional disuse of quotation marks around dialogue. http://archiveofourown.org/works/9284084

For Giles fans, my short fic, “Someone (Or, The Watcher’s Night Off Continues)” just won Best Romance category at the Headline Awards, surprising me perhaps more than anyone else. I’m grateful that people like it: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8433775

Your weakest? “New Territory” was my entry into fanfic writing. It occupies a fond spot in my memory, but I hope I’ve progressed since then.

What is your favorite website for posting your writing and why? I love LiveJournal for the connection I feel to my little fandom friends. Perhaps because I blog more than just my fanwork there, the blog feels “mine” in a way that social sites and large archives do not. For my Spuffy work, fans at Elysian Fields (a Spuffy archive) give the most consistent and insightful reviews. Lastly, it may take me some time, but I try to (eventually) upload everything to AO3 for archival purposes, because it’s independent, free, inclusive, enormous, and most likely to stick around for a long time.

What do you find most challenging about writing fanfiction in particular? Lack of time due to Real Life ™. :) I’m a working mom with two little ones, and I have a stressful career. My writing has been coming directly out of my sleep deficit, which I’ve realized does not a long-term strategy make. ;)

In your opinion, what can the fanfiction community do to encourage fanfiction writers to continue their art? Read, review, share, and recommend. I dabble in fan art for my own diversion, creating icons and banners for my stories and such, and my mediocre fan art gets far more likes and reblogs than my writing (which easily takes ten times as much effort). It’s a bit disheartening.

What was your favorite review or comment? I love all of them. :) I’ve recently resumed updating Edge of Sorrow, Heart of Truth after a long hiatus. One amazing fan on Elysian Fields is re-reading the story from the beginning for continuity, all 55,000+ words of it, and leaving me appreciative, encouraging reviews chapter by chapter. I’m beyond moved by the gesture. I’m not a fast writer, and I tend to rephrase a sentence a number of times before I’m satisfied with it. I’ve scraped whole chapters and rewritten from scratch because they just don’t feel right. Reviews are my rewards. They are the extra boost of motivation that helps me stay up at night and write after everyone else in the house has gone to sleep. They are the voice that stamps out bouts of negativity and self doubt and answers affirmatively when the *other* voice in my head asks, “How do you know if anyone would care if you update or not?”

What type fanfiction do you enjoy reading? Anything well-written. :) Good characterization, emotional resonance, moral ambiguities, sharp dialogue and beautiful language are my weaknesses. I’ll read anything that gives me (most if not all of) the above, regardless of pairings. I like to root for the little guys, relationships that are hard fought, against all odds. I tend to stick to canon ships in my own writing, and I’m Spuffy at heart, but I’ve read and loved all kinds of pairings (including unusual ones like Buffy/Tara, Angel/Joyce, etc.).

What are some of your favorite fanfictions or fanfiction authors? There’s a long list of them—no way I can be inclusive, so I’ll only name a few:

Rahirah’s Barbverse (@rahirah) is a must-read for any Buffy fan. With 131 works, including everything from one-shot comedies that are laugh-out-loud funny, to novel-length sagas full of intricate plot, from hawt, hawt smut to metaphysical insights about the soul, it’s got something for everyone. http://archiveofourown.org/series/514

Anaross’s most famous work, My Life Closed Twice, may have gone offline, but there are still plenty of gems to be enjoyed. The poet in me just loves her language (and her clever use of POV). http://archiveofourown.org/users/Anaross

For Spuffy fans addicted to angst, who like cosmic levels of emotional impact, and don’t mind tragedies befalling their favorite characters, Herself_NYC’s (@herself-nyc) Bittersweets series should fit the bill nicely. http://archiveofourown.org/series/118774

If you’ve never read anything from the late NanDibble, you’re in luck. Her stories have been uploaded to AO3 recently. Tight prose, a right-on Spike voice, a beautiful Spike-Dawn friendship, and original plot await your discovery. http://archiveofourown.org/users/NanDibble/

What are some major influences on your writing? My parents like to brag that I’ve been reciting poetry since I was two and a half, but it’s accurate to say that poetry remains my true love. I have a volume of T. S. Eliot’s collected poems that I frequently return to for inspiration as well as for comfort. Other writers/poets I aspire to include F. Scott Fitzgerald, Edgar Allan Poe, Franz Kafka, Sara Teasdale, and Sylvia Plath. I read Hemingway from time to time to reorient myself what a writing style on the opposite spectrum to mine looks like, and to remind me that while it’s fine to emulate a successful writer, it’s also OK to have a different voice that is my own. Lastly, since I’m playing in Joss Whedon’s sandbox, I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank him for sharing the wonderful characters of the Buffyverse with us.

Anything else you would like to tell people about yourself? I love hearing from fellow Buffy fans and other fanfic/fanart creators! I’m on Tumblr obviously. If anyone’s on LiveJournal/Dreamwidth and we’re not already connected, feel feel to add me (same username) there.

I would like to thank the fantastic @feliciacraft so much for their time! I would like to encourage you to go and read their fanfiction! Remember to leave comments and kudos in support!